Paranoia Alert! I have received criticism in the past for sharing ‘too much about myself’ and it has gotten under my skin. I feel concerned and a bit paranoid from sharing this today; however, I received feedback from subscribers that they would like to know what self-care looks like for me. I can see the value in it because I find it very helpful to know the personal stories and practices of those that influence me. If this is of interest to you, keep on reading…If not, I’ll see you next week. <thank you – it reduces my paranoia to share it>

I live a deliberate life. Not intentional. Deliberate. And my self-care reflects that.

I don’t have any rigid rules I follow. I don’t succumb to the shoulds or supposed tos in life.

I live my life based on principles that are near and dear to me, not goals I try to achieve or accomplishments I want to check off. Principle and value-based living is where it’s at for me. Every day, every decision, every word is either honoring what I value or not. This is not intense…it’s not hard…it’s not following a prescription or being a better person. It’s being me and exploring within life what that looks like and feels like in all kinds of weird situations.

I do my best to live in the question of life, instead of try to answer it. And in the middle of living in the question, I do my best to sit with the negative, neutralize my anxieties and neurosis, and have some fun, reflection, and laughter along the way.

I don’t believe in finding my purpose. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe in the law of attraction.

I don’t believe in plowing through. I don’t believe in trying harder. I don’t believe any governmental agency, physician, guru, or therapist is an authority over me.

I don’t make friends easily, but my hand-full of friends are all super amazing authentic people. My friends serve different purposes, and as I’ve gotten older, I appreciate this deeper, more and more. Some friends are for expressing my extreme goofiness. Some friends are to discuss family of origin wounds. Some friends are to be in silence with. Some friends are for booty shaking, and some are to exchange my doubts, my deepest conflicts, and philosophical conundrums of the day. My friends are a big part of my self-care. Most of them live other places so Facebook is a life saver for me to feel connected. I always feel better after I’ve spent time with my friends. This past birthday of mine in July, I told them they turned my frown upside down! Friends make my world a better place, and I generally prefer one on one interaction instead of a group.

Food is a big part of my life. Because I work from home most days, I use Whole Foods and the farmer’s market as outings to make sure I am out and about in the world. I love to cook. I love to learn about nutrition, and I attribute my diet to healing my gut, lowering my anxiety, raising my consciousness, and increasing my sensitivity to animals, nature, and my body.

After watching Food, Inc (see trailer below) many years ago, I gave up factory farm meat. I swore I would spend all of my 401k before I ate another factory farm chicken (or any other animal). And for the most part, I haven’t. The exception is if I am served dinner (not a party, I can get away with that) at someone’s house and maybe a bite of my husband’s or friend’s meal.

I eat a whole foods, real food diet. I don’t eat fast food, but I’m not too high on a horse to have the sporadic french fry or milkshake. There’s nothing I really ‘like’ at Panera.

At home, I use butter, ghee, and coconut oil. I don’t have any canola oil, vegetable oil, margarine, shortening, white flour, or white sugar in my house. I do my best to eat seasonally, and eat 3-10 vegetables a day, depending on what I feels my body needs. I don’t drink soda, flavored drinks, milk, or fruit juices. I choose raw cheeses, make my own cream cheese, eat full fat plain goat yogurt, and know the farmers who I purchase chicken, eggs, and beef from. I seldom eat pork.  Eating meat period still makes me sad, but pork makes me especially sad for some reason. I eat meat because it seriously helps my body and anxiety. I wish I didn’t have to, but increasing my meat and saturated fats –  holy crap – makes a huge difference in my mood, anxiety, and blood sugar stabilization.

I drink coffee as medicine when I start feeling sad – this means I have about 6 cappuccinos a year. I like alcohol but my body hates alcohol. It gives me restless legs and after the ‘feel good’ effects wear off, I feel very depressed so I generally will only drink alcohol when my body says ‘Yes!’ in the afternoon with a meal. Any drink after 5 PM is always questionable for how my body will respond.

I eat grains. My body loves white rice and oats. Sometimes, especially in the winter, my body loves some warm hot grits (yes, I’m from the south and yes, the grits are non-GMO and organic). I don’t eat a lot of bread or gluten – maybe 2-3 servings a week, sometimes less, sometimes more. Again, my body will say OK to bread during the day, but after 5 PM when digestion weakens, I will get restless legs. After not eating it, most times though, bread just feels mushy, heavy, and sometimes gross.

I don’t eat refined sugar except sometimes in granola or dessert at a restaurant, but I do I eat dark chocolate everyday. Not Hersheys or a convenient store candy bar (but yes, I will eat your bite size Twix and peppermint patty at Halloween), but a high quality, organic, fair-trade delicious 70-85% dark chocolate. Be in bar, truffle, or drink, I love it and consider myself a dark chocolate connoisseur. To savor is self-care!

Eating out is my favorite pastime! Especially with my boo!!! Eating out at a great farm-to-table or local restaurant where someone is following their passion is one of my life’s greatest pleasures. I love the environment, being served, sitting and talking about life. It’s my most favorite activity and greatly contributes to my self-care. When my husband and I were low on funds from building our passions, we chose eating out over getting a Christmas tree because it brings that much enjoyment and aliveness to us. Choose wisely and there are always ways to nourish yourself!

Exercise? I walk outdoors mostly. In my neighborhood, in the woods at Reynolda Gardens, and behind Salem College. Pretty much every day, sometimes twice a day. Sometimes I walk on the bare grass to earth myself. I sometimes will listen to music but mainly listen to nature, the birds, the trees. I walk alone. It feeds me.

I yoga by myself in my house 0-3x/week. Nothing crazy. Pretty gentle. 25 minutes or so.

I get up and dance in front of a big mirror in my living room. When I haven’t done this spontaneously in a couple of weeks, it is a signal that my spirit needs some extra loving care.

Other than food, I seldom shop. I’m not a fan of clutter. <please don’t give me ‘stuff’> I don’t buy things I don’t need or absolutely adore. When I do shop, it is generally for entertainment purposes at TJ Maxx or Marshalls for a new dress or top. Sometimes I’ll go to Asheville, NC (2 hours away) to walk around downtown if I feel like more commercialism, but for the most part, I find ‘stuff’ and stores with ‘stuff’ very disturbing. The older I get, the more disturbing the ‘stuff’ becomes. I dread going to the mall, Target or Wal-Mart, but go when necessary.

I hate debt. I avoid debt at all costs and live within my means. Money is a form of energy and I use it based on my values. I choose eating out every week or taking a continuing education/personal development course over a $2K vacation anytime.

I feed my brain. I love to learn. If I didn’t do this, I would die inside. I spend quite a bit of time each week learning about things that I find interesting – animals, nutrition, compassion, mindfulness, entrepreneurship, the nervous system, and learning to be feminine.

I watch animal videos on YouTube every day. Seriously. Every day. Probably just 1-5 minutes each day, but I love it! It feeds my soul and makes me laugh! I share them with others and my hubs.

I stopped all forms of therapy years ago, but I do have a coach I call on when I need help getting through my personal crap.

I play with my cats. Sometimes I am too tired to play, but my oldest cat, Ember, will always sit on my chest and love on and with me. We also snuggle at night.

 

I connect with my husband. We make eye contact. We hug. We’ll kiss softly for a few seconds. We’ll eat sitting next to each other at our kitchen table. We ask each other how we can love each other better. We tell the truth, even when it’s painful.

 

I like to watch Netflix and movies. I don’t have cable so am saved from all commercials and news channels but love good shows with great writing like Breaking Bad, True Detective, House of Cards, and yes, I love me some Rick Grimes from the Walking Dead (I admit this is not good writing but it is a good show to me!). I am also a big Ben Affleck fan. Judge if you want, but damn, he is handsome (and Bradley Cooper too!). Fantasy is good self-care – lol!

I’m a master at regulating my energy and don’t overextend myself. I schedule plenty of white space. I have 30 minutes in between clients. I set aside Tuesdays as a marketing day with no clients (this is when I write this blog!).

I usually am electronic device free on Sundays. My cell phone is on silent. I still have a land line and don’t get up when it rings. I wait to see who it is. My husband says I am hard to get a hold of, and that is OK with me.

I plan ahead. Like way ahead and put stuff on my calendar immediately – even if it is a year away – and organize my life accordingly. This leaves me plenty of space for life and the certainty of car repairs, home repairs, getting sick, someone dying, and vet visits to happen without freak-outs.

I set aside Sundays for me and my husband. This is our time. It’s OK for the sweet love not to be spontaneous. It’s pretty awesome. 🙂

I tell the truth as much as possible. I’ve set communication limits with members of my family. This has been brutal. Brutal. But necessary, and I have to sit with the discomfort of this truth every hour.

I don’t engage with people who are full of drama or seek to fulfill some weird need through me. I keep to myself and value my time.

Meditation you ask? An ongoing journey my friend. It’s weird now because in some ways, I meditate for a living. I start and end most coaching calls with a short meditation. Locally, I offer biodynamic craniosacral therapy, and this is also a deep form of stillness. I used to have a formal practice, but I reached an edge of too much neutrality, and went back to listening to more music and reading poetry for meditative reflection. Mindfulness on the other hand, is constant.

I don’t have a set bed time. If it were up to me, I would have 5 hours of alone time each day! So sometimes I will stay up as a trade-off to have alone time. I do much better with less sleep than a not-enough-protein-fat-or-veggie-diet, but I generally get 6-8 hours a night.

I still take amino acids and chelated minerals for anxiety (still present) and depression (rarely present). I drink turmeric shots, kelp flakes for iodine, and Vit D a few times a week. My Omega 3s don’t feel good to me anymore, so I’ve stopped. I take 5-HTP and GABA before bed. Every time I’ve tried to taper back, some stressor happens and I don’t feel OK stopping it.

So what does my self-care look like? A far cry from the manager who literally ran in the office, held her pee, didn’t have time for my husband, thought every request and project that was brought to me was urgent, and binge ate Cheez-Its and Wheat Thins at night to calm me down.

What does my self-care look like? Like honoring I’m human. Non-harming. Nourishing. Flexible. Consistent. And kind.

Experiment. Be gentle with yourself. Be true to yourself. Regulate yourself. Remove should and supposed to from your vocabulary. Take responsibility for yourself and stop accommodating other people’s dysfunction.

YOU WILL NEVER FIND RELIEF IN A TOP 10 SELF-CARE TIP LIST or 8 TACTICS TO BUST STRESS NOW.

Self-care isn’t a mani-pedi, a luxurious day at the spa, an international vacation, or just taking 5 minutes for yourself. Self-care is welcoming and nourishing your moment-by-moment needs – no matter how small  or daunting – with flexibility, kindness, and compassion. This is what self-care looks like.

May You Stop Looking outside and Look Within,

Angela